Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
