everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
