He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
