The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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