Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
