you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
