I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
