I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
