i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
