Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
