that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
