If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
