i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
