I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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