well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
