all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize