Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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