the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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