it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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