someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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