I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
