my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
