One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
