I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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