i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize