THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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