i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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