onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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