she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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