i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
