so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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