Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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