i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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