You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that is very illegal...i love you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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