I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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