I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
