better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
