he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
