Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
