Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
