Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
