Nicole vs. Life
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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