I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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