Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
