Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
