If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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