so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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