I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize