Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
