yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
