A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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