It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He passed out mid-signature
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
