So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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