He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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