I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
