So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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