Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize