The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
