She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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