So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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