phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
tell me about the fingering
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