I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
