so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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