When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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