i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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