Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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