she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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