You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
