You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
