is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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