Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was born a porn star she said
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize