the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
