I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
