you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
