East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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