I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
