Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
