from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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