i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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