someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
