just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
