oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
