I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
